A Suggestion on how NOT to be OFFENDED

During my worldly years before becoming adopted in the the Kingdom of God, this phase was foremost in my mind.

"Advise not asked for is advise not worth giving"

But in 1994 that all changed. The scripture is clear, that we are to be one with one another and to share with others. So I have decided to share with you what the Lord has given me to help with my relationship with others. 

This is not my brainstorm as I'm not that smart I got it from a reliable source a wise man who also is a Brother in Christ.

Several years ago I was blessed to be able to speak with a Dallas Demmitt, PH.D.  He wrote a book called ,"Can you hear me know?" written with his wife Nancy. Web Site http://canyouhearmenow.org

The concept was to help all of us learn how to "experience the power of listening", a quote from the forward by Gary Smalley. 

If you just internal these (7)  words, then (4) then (3), which you will get soon,  it could change your relationships with everyone you know. 

For those of us who believe God's Word, Proverbs 12:1 states,

"Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, But he who hates reproof is stupid."

Now please remember, I'm not calling anyone stupid, so let's not get OFFENDED! 

Paul states, " Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (Philippians 2:3-8)

 

So here's the scenario:

Lets say that someone states that your are, " you fill in the blanks", as an observation or of something that pertains to  you. Again I need your help on this. Is it not true that the typical response from anyone who makes a statement about you would be to defend yourself? 

When someone says something about you, whether a praise or a criticism, your response should be these 7 words. By repeating these 7 words you are validating and clarifying what that person said about you instead of what typically happens is you defend yourself. 

""Is that what you see in me?"

But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, "GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE."  (James 4:6)


So how could we do what James says in 5:19-20 if were are concerned about offending someone or being offended, that we would not tell them the truth, which  to some could be offensive, or as as I've heard, judgmental!  

(James 5: 19-20)  My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins. 


So back to those 7 words again. If we respond with them can't you see the freedom you allow your loved ones and friends to have when they need to express what they have in their heart about you? 
  
Once you get those 7 words internalized then your ready for the next 4 words, 

"Is there anything else?" 

Now that's really brave, but I hope you can see the humility that comes from such a response. You are allowing another person to tell you what they observe in your behavior, attitude or demeanor. Wouldn't that be helpful to see ourselves as others see us?   


Now your ready to graduate for it's now time for the 3 words, that really place you in a humble place.

" Is there more?"

  Once you have reached this plateau then you can humbly ask that person to pray for you because you shouldn't want to be like that.  

Again I can only pray that you would a least get the book and try to apply his concept on how to improve your listen skills and possible you may never be OFFENDED again.